I know I know…just because it’s summer doesn’t mean that I get to be a lazy slacker and stop blogging…Thanks for the push back in..you know who you areJ
So I was talking the other night with one of my closest friends. We were swapping stories about our ex-boyfriends and how after a certain amount of time you realize that you either A. went complexly insane and lost all self respect while in the relationship or B. experienced the “walking boy coma” that happens to the best of us. After this discussion i decided to own up to my mistakes. I'm going to go with both options. I believe that you need A to get to B.
I feel you deserve a little bit more of back story. The vivid drama's that we were sharing could be categorized as less than healthy. Yet , even as we could see clearer now out of the melodramatic situations both of us could not understand how and why the perspective situations occurred. While trying to find the pieces of a failed relationship to explain logically what happened we both decided by some sort of mystical power that we became less and less ourselves while putting up with men who simply didn’t respect nor deserve us. I’m going to believe that we have all been there.
But the biggest question I have for all of you is…How did we get there? How is it that women who are smart, vivacious, ambitious, loving and amazing get stuck in this sort of situation? And spare me all the crap about love being blind. It’s more than just that. Something happens and you either decide to go completely insane and lose all self respect or you experience the walking boy coma. I wish I could answer that question. Sometimes I find myself thinking that if I could pinpoint the exact moment that I "decided" to change who I am to accommodate someone else I will never make the same mistakes again.
Like I said, I believe that you need A to get to B. You have to lose your self respect to get to the point were the walking boy coma takes hold of you and you become a robot. After it’s over you have memories that don’t add up, scenarios and fights that you soon realize were never resolved even though they were a BIG deal like marriage, or children. Or when you start to get your memory back and you are disgusted with how you allowed yourself to become that person. Not solely just because it’s not a healthy relationship, but because you compromised yourself.
For me it was no longer being the easy going goofball. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still totally type A…(just less neurotic) But instead I became a short tempered annoying bitch. And sure, not every relationship is perfect..But when is that moment when we lose who we are? And if we ever figure it out for ourselves, how do we ensure that we NEVER do it again? Plenty of women succumb to the walking boy comma everyday. If you’re lucky you’ll wake up one day and end it . Some may never wake up.
Being a woman is an amazing thing and we can’t let ourselves be silenced, embarrassed or stop being who we are because the person we are in a relationship with feels insecure, emasculated, or whatever it maybe. I may not ever find the answer as to when or how I allowed myself to change and go along with the relationship. But I now remember exactly who I am and will always remember the taste that I have for life. And it is pretty tasty!
*walking boy comma= the symptom of a relationship with a boy that has gone bad. Other symptoms may include but not limited too full denial, loss of humor, Bitchiness, walking around like a zombie doing whatever the boy wants.If and when you find a way out and wake up you have zero logical understanding of what just happened.
